THE WEEKS, real name Eduardo Agincourt Bosworth Somme Weeks, was born 20 years too late. Not literally, that would have been some sort of record, more stylistically and emotionally.

He looks like a human version of stock footage of businessmen from the 80s, especially those ones they use to show how big mobile phones used to be.

His love of power rock is indefatigable and it is his dream to one day play guitar astride the very rooftops of Buckingham Palace whilst The Queen looks on and weeps (her tears falling on sick children and instantly healing them).

He is commander-in-chief of a vast hawk army and posseses the ability to locate a blonde by smell alone at anything up to 2 miles (3 miles in water).

He is often mistaken for one of those Tory MPs who has got his job for being funny and good with the press rather than having any political ability and he tans really well.